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In fact, on my first attempt at this game in several years, I was soon promoted to the rank of ensign! So, it’s wonderful to see some extremely vague “Star Trek” references in this game. This is because it’s fairly clear where this game gets it’s inspiration from and, by god, do I miss 1990s Star Trek! This game was made between the time that Picard gave his last order and Janeway took an unexpected detour via the Delta Quadrant on her way back to Earth. You’ll notice that I’ve been mentioning “Star Trek” quite a bit here. It is an absolute joy to listen to, fun distilled into MIDI (or vaguely MIDI-like) form. Seriously, this music really sounds like it’s from 1995 – a more innocent time when games could be cheesier. It’s the kind of cheesy, fast-paced “futuristic” music that will quickly and permanently bore itself into your brain like the creature from “Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan”. This is a real shame because the music is… actually surprisingly good. One strange feature of this game is that the music is turned off by default. Yay! Lens flare! From back when it was cool, BEFORE J.J.Abrams ruined it through overuse! I’ve only found one of these so far ( where you have to hit the bumpers near the top of the screen eight times), but it added some variation to the game.

Not only is the board littered with wormholes, hyperspace and all manner of other cool things that you can hit if you aim carefully but- once your score reaches a certain point – you’ll actually be given missions. Joking aside, the sound design is actually fairly awesome and, if you grew up in the 1990s, you’ll feel a pang of nostalgia as soon as you hear the game’s many stylised sound effects.Īlthough you can just hammer the flipper keys wildly and hope for the best ( like I did with pinball games when I was a kid), this game rewards you for playing strategically. The physics in the game feel surprisingly solid and everything that the ball hits will react with an impactful animation and a sci-fi sound effect that could have been taken from only the finest toy laser guns that the 1990s had to offer.

In terms of the gameplay, it’s actually fairly solid. You can also use other keys to tilt and bump the table, if you’re a filthy cheater. You’ll be using the function keys for various game functions (eg: “F3” pauses the game and “F2” starts a new game), the spacebar to launch a new pinball and the “Z” and “/” keys control the left and right flippers respectively. The controls for this game can take a bit of getting used to since, like many great games from the 1990s, the controls are strictly keyboard-only. And is that the flying car from “Blade Runner”? LOL! I don’t know why, but his expression is just hilarious. Yes, this is probably going to be a silly review. But, beware, Starfleet Academy *ahem* I mean, the Space Cadet Academy is watching you…

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Given the steep cost of this game (well over £100… albeit with a free copy of Windows XP and/or a free PC), I can see why people might be tempted into space piracy.

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Versions for other good incarnations of Windows, such as Windows 98, also exist too.Ī quick Google search shows that users of modern parody versions of Windows can furtively download copies of this game from *ahem* less than legitimate sources. I got this game quite a while ago, when I got Windows XP. But, not daring to see how many IQ points this more modern FPS game had leeched from me, I ended up playing… the free pinball game that comes with Windows XP… instead. I’d planned to look for some “Doom II” levels to review, since I haven’t reviewed one in a while and I was beginning to worry that playing nothing but “ Red Faction II” recently had dulled my “Doom II” skills. One afternoon, I was feeling a fascinating mixture of boredom and curiosity.

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